


nobody's home

by thenorthstar



Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Veil of Shadows Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:01:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25434313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenorthstar/pseuds/thenorthstar
Summary: She has made many mistakes, and in that final trek to the lake, she recounts them all.
Relationships: Blossomfall & Stemleaf (Warriors)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	nobody's home

**Author's Note:**

> this has spoilers for vos and the graystripes vow preview (that includes the first three chapters)  
> if youve ever watched story of yanxi palace (which i doubt anyone reading this has lmao) this was based off of the empress's death scene in episode 40. watching it for the first time gave me shivers and i was rewatching it the other day and...wow. i was thinking about blossomfall throughout vos when stemleaf died and then again in the gv preview when thornclaw and graystripe leave...she's been through a lot in tbc huh :(  
> going to warn you guys that this is a fic about suicide, more specifically, suicide by drowning. please don't read if you think it'll hurt you to do so 

when blossomfall woke, it was dark. 

as she stepped out of her den, dodging paws and stray tails, the moon shone gently overhead, illuminating the empty camp clearing. the night was so quiet, so peaceful, that for a moment she forgot all that happened over the past few moons. stemleaf, dead. graystripe and thornclaw, gone off to starclan knew where. it had been almost a moon, she noted with a sense of trepidation; a few days more, and they wouldn't be allowed to return. 

she pushed the thought away. they had fought too hard, risked too much for thunderclan, not to return. the younger cats, on the other paw… 

she sighed. she didn't envy ivypool and cinderheart - at least her own three kits were tucked up safely in their nests, in the same den that she'd just left. but that wouldn't change what she was about to do.

when she thought of their brother, buried in strange territory with not even a medicine cat to set his paws on the road to starclan, her heart ached more fiercely than she thought possible.  _ stemleaf.  _ her throat throbbed. her oldest kit, the one that had always led his littermates into adventures and games, who'd tried to climb up highledge at barely two moons old - gone. just like that. she should've known, she thought. what was running through his mind, that he loved spotfur, that he'd been working with the rebels. maybe she would've been able to convince him to wait, to be more careful. maybe then he would still be alive. 

but then again, patience was never his strong suit. it had never been hers either. 

she stepped into the center of the clearing, letting the moonlight shine into her pelt. she'd groomed herself that day, so that every tuft of fur was set perfectly in place. molewhisker was on guard that night, sitting by the bramble tunnel and scratching at the ground with his claws in a bid to stay awake. she only nodded to him as she padded by, feeling a pang of regret. would he blame himself, in the morning? would anyone else? 

blossomfall took a deep breath, steadying herself. it wouldn't be much longer, then. she continued on, padding into the forest. 

she had made so many mistakes, and on that final trek to the lake, she recounted them all. 

_ my entire life, i've made so many mistakes...training in the dark forest. starting fights, but not knowing how to end them. birthing four kits, but being unable to protect them. letting my jealousy consume me. a bad mother. a worse daughter.  _

she stepped over a fallen log, relying on her familiarity with the forest, over so many moons and seasons, to steady herself and continue on in the darkness. overhead, an owl hooted. 

_ graystripe, thornclaw…in this life, we won't meet again. bumblestripe, my brother, i leave my kits to you. keep them safe.  _

perhaps when graystripe had left, she'd known it would be the last time she'd see him. she'd padded forward to lick his cheek, a gesture she hadn't made since she was an apprentice and the world was bright and full of possibility. she'd pulled back then, and his eyes had danced across her face, searching, but neither of them had said anything else before he had left, tail flicking as he padded into the bramble tunnel and out of sight. 

thornclaw had promised to meet her by the windclan border that night to say goodbye, but she hadn't gone. she almost wished she had, but how could she, when her heart sang betrayal and ached even more? she'd only said that she'd wait for him to return. _a bad mate._ they hadn't even comforted each other when their son had died; two days later, he was acting as if everything was perfectly fine. her paws faltered for a moment, nearly slipping on a pebble, before she picked herself up. this time, her thoughts turned to another cat. 

_ shellfur, how i want to make things right with you. but it's too late now, isn't it? that's okay. i wish i could tell you this, but i know you won't listen. i forgive you, for your part in stemleaf's death. i know you regret it as much as i do. my precious kit, i never stopped loving you for even a second.  _

the trees were thinning, and beyond them, she could see something shimmering in the night. the lake. she stepped onto the ridge that separated the forest and shore, looking out across the waves gently rippling on the otherwise smooth surface. the breeze abated, the ripples spreading further and further out and eventually disappearing. if blossomfall didn't know better, she would think the lake was just a large rock, still as it was. 

the first time she had fallen in the lake, the water had been cold, dragging her down, down, down, even as she fought to rise up to the surface. it hadn't felt as peaceful as she'd expected - but then again, she was not swimming, but fighting for her life with each twitch of her legs and bubble that rose to the surface. her clanmates had been there, then, pulling her to safety. 

but this time - she would not fight. she would let go. the shoreline was empty, every cat asleep; no one would save her now. she felt a curious sense of peace as she walked closer and gazed into the lake, waters as black as the sky above it. the stars glowed softly in the sky. was starclan watching? she couldn't tell. she didn't care. 

_ rosepetal,  _ she thought.  _ briarlight, millie...i will be with you again. thornclaw, i broke my promise. i'm sorry. i was impatient. i couldn't wait for you to return to thunderclan. but you must be happy for me. from now on, i won't be a mother or a daughter or a mate or a thunderclan warrior or a former dark forest trainee.  _

_ i will just be blossomfall.  _

she took another step forward. when the water closed in over her head, she felt nothing but peace. 

_ i am just blossomfall. _

**Author's Note:**

> if any of you are wondering whats going on w shellfur... he was one of the cats fighting w bramblefake in the attack that killed stemleaf and i rlly doubt blossomfall would easily forgive him for that  
> i was going for a specific vibe w this but idk if it came across well... i wrote this in like 2 hours LMAO  
> i kind of? want to write another chapter about the aftermath of this? is that something y'all would be interested in? lmk


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